Tales of the Time Twisters
by The Winter Wizard
Summary: Eragon and Arya open the Vault of Souls only to get sent back in time to before Arya gets ambushed by Durza, with their bodies and memories from the future! How do they react? Can they change things for the better? Or will all of Alagaesia go crazy?
1. The Vault of Souls

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the owned!

**Author's Note:** This fanfic is basically a crack!fic kind of thing and is not meant to be taken seriously. I obviously altered events of the real story for this first chapter but this is because I wanted to write something silly and humorous for a change. I also thought that this might be a cool way to get Eragon and Arya together since AxE doesn't happen in the books. So please don't flame if you liked the Book 4 that Christopher Paolini wrote as this is just for fun. So without any further ado, allow me to present you with my latest contribution to the fandom! 

**Chapter 1:** The Vault of Souls

Eragon and Arya stood on the cliff that jutted out over a sheer drop bellow into the mountainous valley. It was largely a desert as they were somewhere in the Boer Mountains. In fact, the cliff they stood on jutted out of the mountain side. It was in front of a vast cave guarded by two statues of sitting dragons. The trio had flown up to the cave but there was a winding mountain path that trailed up here.

A few people had taken it in the past as could be guessed by the white skeletons and grinning skulls that lay around the cliff. But Eragon and Arya weren't worried about that now. They were trying to open the Vault of Souls. A legendary sanctuary, the vault was rumoured amongst the werecats to hold a weapon of great power.

Eragon had been referred to the Vault by the werecat Solebum but it was the werecat king himself, Grimmr Half-paw, who explained what the vault was exactly (in a less complicated riddle then Solebum's) and kindly gave Eragon the location. Eragon and Saphira were about to leave in the dead of night by themselves to the Vault, but Eragon received a surprise visit from Arya.

She appeared suddenly dressed in her leather battle gear with her sword, bow, arrows, and travelling bag. She didn't even ask to come but Eragon was pleased that she joined them. He always liked Arya's presence even if he tried to get over his crush on her. Sadly, it looked like their efforts to turn the tide of war were futile as they were unable to go past the statues.

A wall of transparent blue light appeared as soon as Eragon had put a foot past the statues and actually threw him back a step. Arya caught him in the nick of time but further efforts were useless since the wall of blue light appeared when they tried to get through and vanished when they didn't. They were getting increasingly frustrated.

Suddenly, an Empire war horn sounded in the distance and Saphira roared in fury from where she was hovering in the air next to them. Eragon spun around only to see Murtagh and Thorn flying in the air, several meters above a legion of Empire troops. Just then an idea popped into Saphira's head and she voiced it to her Rider and the elf.

_The seven words, Little One!_ Saphira gasped as realization dawned on her. _They must be the key to open the door. _

_Of course!_ Eragon exclaimed. _Thanks, Saphira!_

Arya was her typically silent self although she did arch a delicate eyebrow questioningly.

"No time now," Eragon said. "I'll explain later."

Eragon was just about to cast a ward on Saphira but she flew out of reach towards Murtagh and Thorn.

_Saphira, no!_ Eragon yelped, trying to catch her but failing.

_Use the words, Little One!_ Saphira retorted. _I shall hold off the traitor and his hatchling. Take Arya with you into the cave. I know this is what I have to do._

Before Eragon could reply, Saphira prevented him from doing so by disabling their telepathic link. Eragon cried out in frustration, punching his fist into the air even as Saphira flew off away from them distracting Murtagh and Thorn who pursued her. The Empire army still marched up the mountain path but they would take ages.

"What has happened, Shadeslayer?" Arya asked softly, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Eragon smiled weakly at her in thanks for the gesture.

"Saphira took off to distract Murtagh and Thorn," Eragon sighed.

"What?" Arya gasped, her hand flying up to cover her mouth in shock.

"Yes," Eragon growled. "She left to buy us time while those idiots climb the mountain. We shall have an hour at least to get in the damn cave."

"But how can we do so?" Arya asked in exasperation. "You know that we cannot pass through. This is hopeless!"

"There is always hope, Arya," Eragon said with a wry smile.

Arya looked up sharply and Eragon took a deep breath.

"Brom told me seven words in the Ancient Language before he died," Eragon explained.

Arya gave him a sympathetic look but Eragon simply shrugged and continued. Now was not the time for pity.

"I believe they are a spell but completely forgot all about them until now," Eragon said. "I think Brom knew we would come this way and that the seven words are the key."

"It sounds like our only chance," Arya sighed, a faraway look in her eyes.

"So I take it that you agree to my plan?" Eragon asked one last time.

"I do," Arya said simply. "But be quick about it. Murtagh and Thorn might return."

"Goodbye, Saphira," Eragon whispered softly although he didn't know why.

And then, Eragon Shadeslayer closed his eyes and reached into the back of his mind procuring the seven words. They danced off his lips unbidden as if he was not the one talking. He felt a tug in his gut as magical energy rushed out of him. Cracking his eyes open, he gaped as Arya did for two beams of blue light – one dark and the other light – shot out of the dragon rider mark on his palm.

Like a shockwave, they blasted into the mouths of the dragon statues that were opened in a snarl. Fire burst forth from the dragon statues' maws. Thunder exploded in the heavens and there was a brilliant flash of white light. Without any time to react, Eragon and Arya were whisked way into a whirlwind of white and gold. Eragon's vision stretched and blurred and the last thing he saw was Arya grasping his hand.

Then...everything went black!

**To Be Continued**

**A/N:** Well, there's chapter one! Hopefully, it wasn't too painful to read. I tried to make it humorous but I realise I failed epically. It's more adventure then humour I suppose and I know that the Vault of Souls event was drastically different then the books. I have a confession to make actually: The Book 4 Paolini wrote left me so disappointed that I actually didn't finish reading it.

I researched online to find out what happened and was very much dismayed with the ending. I will finish it one day, but for now I dunno. Anyhow, this is meant to be a kind of parody on the cycle. In case anyone didn't understand, Eragon and Arya are sent back in time to before the events of Book 1 (a little), but with their memories and bodies from the future. They appear together also in the same place. But enough rambling. I hope you like it, and thanks for reading!


	2. Babe in the Woods

**Disclaimer:** I have not inherited the Inheritance Cycle.

**Author's Note:** I decided to churn out some more chapters while they are still fresh in my mind. I don't have too much to say about this update other than there will be mentions of nudity and lots of blushing, nothing explicit but it's there. Hopefully, this chapter will be a bit more funny then the last one as this is meant to be a crack!fic. Anyhow, onto the chapter!

**Chapter 2:** Babes in the Woods

When Eragon came to, he was lying on his back in the middle of a forest clearing. His whole body ached and his head throbbed something fierce. It felt like the entire city of Drass-Leona had fallen on top of him! Groaning pitifully, he forced his weary eyelids open. Sunlight filtered through oak and maple trees. Their gnarled trunks surrounded him in a circle. Grass, twigs, and leaves poked into his naked back.

_Wait a minute..._ Eragon thought in shock and horror. _Naked? Me!_

Sleep vanished from him as he shot up swiftly and glanced downwards. His suspicions were confirmed: He, Eragon Shadeslayer, was stark naked without a scratch of clothing on in a clearing with another nude elf.

_Huh? _Eragon's mind reeled at the last phrase that floated lazily through his head.

_Nude elves?_

Giving himself a mental shake, his eyes darted across the clearing. His heart skipped a beat as they fell on an equally nude and breath-taking elf who was none other than the Lady Arya, ambassador and princess of the elves!

Eragon feasted his eyes on the mouth-watering sight of a completely unclothed elf hottie (not to mention the woman of his dreams and wanking fantasies), until realisation dawned on him. It was too late to do anything though for Arya, the nude elf in question, locked eyes with him.

Arya's emerald orbs dropped to his crotch for a heart-stopping moment before eliciting an "Eep!" of surprise from the Dragon Rider. His cheeks turned bright red and he quickly covered his bare groin with his hands, suddenly wanting to get disappear entirely.

Arya's eyes narrowed and then widened in horror. She glanced down at her chest and further bellow. Eragon braced himself for the worst case scenario and was rewarded ten times fold as Arya attempted to cover her private parts with both hands while swearing vehemently like a loose sailor. Half of Eragon's blush was now caused by her curse words, as he didn't even know some of them existed!

Finally, Arya stopped cursing and panted for breath. Eragon struggled to tear his eyes away from the rise and fall of her breasts as she did so. No sooner had he done so, however, then he noticed tendrils of white smoke curl up into the sky all over Arya's body. Eragon knew she was hot, but not that _hot_! A sinking feeling of dread welled up within him and he double-checked himself.

Eragon groaned in despair to see that he was smoking too, although perhaps not in the proverbial sense! An awkward silence settled over the duo as they tried to piece together what was happening, or had happened, to them. After what seemed like ages, the prior events flooded back to Eragon and panic raced through him.

_Saphira!_

_The Empire!_

_The Vault of Souls!_

_Now...here?_

The question was, where was here?

Eragon and Arya had been sucked into a dark cave by a white and frothy whirlwind. They had not been standing in a clearing. Did that mean the Vault of Souls was some kind of magical teleportation device? But what good would it do if they couldn't get back to it? They were stuck in the middle of nowhere with no dragon statues or anything for that matter!

What the heck was going on here?

"Shadeslayer," Arya said through clenched teeth. "What just happened to us?"

"I do not know," Eragon sighed. "I would like the answer myself along with the rest of my things."

"Really?" Arya asked arching an eyebrow delicately.

Eragon blushed furiously at the implication but nodded.

"Why, you don't?" Eragon quipped, unable to restrain himself.

"Impressive comeback," Arya drawled, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "That was really smooth. I never expected that one from you."

"Oh, come on!" Eragon huffed. "We just got sent here through some fluke of magic. Maybe I worded the spell wrong or something but..."

"Eragon," Arya said, looking at him weirdly. "There is no spell powerful enough to transport two PEOPLE from one place to another."

"Really?" Eragon pouted.

Arya just rolled her eyes.

"Eragon," She said quietly a second later.

"Yeah?" Eragon asked, trying not to stare at her.

"I really need some clothing," Arya mumbled.

"What was that?" Eragon asked with an impish grin.

"You heard me!" Arya snapped.

"Spoil sport!" Eragon grumbled.

"Child!" Arya shot back.

"Boring old hag!" Eragon retorted.

"Pansy!" Arya returned.

"Hottie!" Eragon blurted out, unable to stop himself.

"What was that?" Arya asked in disbelief.

"Um, never mind," Eragon mumbled. "You wanted clothes right?"

Arya nodded with an uncertain look on her face as if she did not believe him. That was okay. Eragon needed clothes too.

Heaving a sigh, he closed his eyes and reached out with his mind magic to search for the nearest signs of life in the hopes of finding a human settlement. If he could find a village or town, then perhaps they could 'borrow' some clothes until they got ones of their own.

Then all they needed were some weapons and a meal and they were all set to figure out what the heck just happened to them. After a short while, Eragon finally chanced across a human life source. There were several so he guessed it was a small village, or maybe an outpost. Whatever the case, they would have clothes and food.

"Okay, I found something," Eragon announced.

"How far away?" Arya asked.

"Maybe an hour or so, why?" Eragon asked confusedly.

"Why do you think?" Arya snapped.

Eragon paled when he realised the answer.

"Isn't there a spell to cover yourself or something?" He stammered hastily. "I'm sure there's something!"

Arya hemmed and hawed until at last the black-haired elf finally nodded.

"There is one I know of," Arya admitted reluctantly. "Unfortunately, it will not last long and shall probably wear off before we reach the village."

"Oh, dear," Eragon said in what he hoped was a reassuring voice.

Although part of him was not reassuring in the slightest. He dared not let Arya hear that half of him though or she would have killed him without a second thought. Heaving a sigh, Arya chanted the spell and in seconds her body was blurred so that Eragon could only see faint skin and her figure but no private parts.

_Aw, bummer!_ Eragon pouted.

"Stop staring at me!" Arya snapped. 

"Huh?" Eragon asked stupidly.

"Never mind," Arya mumbled wearily. "Here, I'll cast the spell on you too but I might need some energy."

Eragon had to bite back a witty retort but simply nodded and gave Arya some of his energy so she could chant the spell for him. Minutes later, they were ready and set forth cautiously and carefully in the direction that Eragon guided them to.

The Dragon Rider hoped desperately it was a village and that they could find some clothes, because otherwise he really didn't want to stand in the way of an angry warrior princess like Arya!

**To Be Continued...**

**A/N:** As I said, this is mainly a crack!fic so hopefully it's just light and entertaining and not too painful to read. There will be AxE in this but not for a short while yet. Also, things will be different because of the time travel. They don't know they're back in time yet but they will find out soon, so no worries. Like always, I hope you enjoyed it...

...And thanks for reading!


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